Category Archives: Uncategorized

Manny Shenanigans No Longer Cheeky

bdd_mr_lost_7-9-08_bgjdManny Ramirez’s shenanigans, I have recently determined, have lost their cheekiness. They have, to quote Super Troopers, become “cruel and tragic”, which, to continue quoting, “makes them not shenanigans at all, really.”

Antics now come off as forced, PR maneuvers, aimed at trying to rebuild his good standing with the Red Sox faithful. Climb into the monster between innings? Seen it. Muck around playfully with the third base umpire after a check-swing? Blah.

The truth of the matter is that Manny has permanently tarnished his image. Really, I don’t see how shoving a 60 year-old traveling secretary to the ground could not permanently scar a ballplayer’s reputation. The fact that Manny is now trying to cover up his recent indiscretions with a multitude of old Manny-isms just seems pitiful and, again, forced.

Its time for the Sox to take a stand and make a trade. Manny would be all right with it. God knows he’s asked (read: demanded) to be traded before. I’m just tired of the Sox bending to a superstar’s, melodramatic bull-crap (remember Mo Vaughn during the end of his tenure with the Sox?).

This is not the same man-being-Manny that we put up with and actually rooted for before. Manny has crossed the line, and while the Sox brass may lack the minerals to stand up to prima-donna bullies, I’ve seen enough.

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Sox All-Underachievers

At the mid-point of the ’08 season, when many players are being lauded for their first-half accomplishments, I think it would be a disservice to the deserving fumblers around the league not to recognize their remarkable level of ineptitude.

Brainstorming barnstormers

 

Julio Lugo
Who else but Lugo, our erstwhile All-Clunker All-Star, to leadoff? Lugo’s salary this year ($6.5M) and next ($7.25) combined with his .264 batting average, 1HR and (Holy Toledo) 16 errors (be sure to keep a running-tally on that one) make him a cant-miss candidate for an All-Fumble-Team nod.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t the Sox paying Alex Gonzalez a fraction of what Lugo is now swindling from John Henry’s pockets? Wouldn’t Orlando Cabrera seem like a good fit about now? Nomar? (He played short the other day for the Dodgers.) What about John Valentin? Can’t we dig up his bones and cart him out there?

Coco Crisp
Coco looks like he’s trying to swat butterflies with a handkerchief. In the 9th inning against the Yankees the other night (when the Sox brought up their murderers-row of Coco, Varitek, and Lugo to face Yankees closer Mariano Rivera), Coco looked unbearably clueless, flailing (and missing) at three pitches outside the strikezone. Crisp’s .261 BA, 5 HR, and less-than-healthy .310 OBP are all less-than-stellar. But its his arm (the arm that makes Johnny Damon’s look like a howitzer by comparison) that puts Coco in a class by himself. If there were a stat for runners-that-would-have-been-thrown-out-had-not-the-centerfielder-possessed-the-arm-of-a-pre-pubescent-girl, Coco would be the run-away league-leader. Seriously, we are talking about a probable 20-30 run differential.

Ok, I guess there are only two players currently. Varitek is spared due to his expertise at handling the Sox pitching staff and his general thug appeal. Papí is spared because of his significant time on the DL. Manny is spared because, believe it or not, he has 54 RBIs. If you think others are deserving of inclusion, please present your arguments below.

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All Star Foppery

4l2qanixAll right then, it’s almost July, which means it’s almost time for yet another midsummer classic, which once again will pit the National League against their arch-rivals, those bums from the junior circuit.

All baloney aside, I’m actually a fan of baseball’s annual, glorified cash cow. When else, I ask, can a game be ruled a tie due to a shortage of pitchers? In what better venue can we watch Tommy Lasorda breakdance with an errant baseball bat down the third base line? On what more appropriate occasion can we cart out some of the greatest players, past and present, to have ever donned a pair of spikes?

Yes, I enjoy the spectacle, the pomp, the circumstance, and the ridiculous, unwarranted hype. I’ll tell you what I don’t enjoy though: allowing the fans to vote for the starters.

Compared to previous years, fans have performed relatively admirably this year. Kevin Youkilis holds a slim lead over Minnesota’s Justin Morneau, a worthy one-two punch by any pundit’s estimation. Josh Hamilton is securely entrenched as a starter in the uber-competetive American League outfield. Over in the National League, Lance Berkman, Chase Utley, Chipper Jones and Hanley Ramirez set the pace at their respective positions. On the surface, this would appear to be a banner year for the casual voting fan. But ein minuten bitte!  Miscasts still linger in this 2008 All-star pool. Allow me to dissect and explain three glaring cases:

Ichiro is having another solid year in centerfield. He has scored 57 runs, has swiped 33 bases, and carries an OBP of .356. He has a hose in centerfield and he still runs the bases as though his pants were on fire. But he’s playing for a horrendous, underachieving Mariners club and his .297 batting average is a full 34 points below his career mark.

What better chance for Milton Bradley, our tumultuous, bottle-chucking, hammy-pulling, broadcaster-chasing friend from Texas, to make his long-awaited All-Star game debut? While Bradley might not be the best choice from a PR standpoint, his numbers are superior to Ichiro’s in almost every category. Through 70 games, Bradley is batting .316 with 16 dongs and 49 RBI. He also boasts a .437 OBP and a career-high .603 slugging percentage. Lets not forget that he plays for a scrappy, overachieving Ranger’s club that left the Mariners in a cloud of dust months ago.

Continuing through the American League outfield we meet the curious case of Manny Ramirez. When not swatting teammates or traveling secretaries, Ramirez has put together another solid, Manny-being-Manny kind of season. He’s batting .286 with 16 homeruns and 52 RBI. But Manny’s seen his share of all-star games (he’s bootlegged his share as well, but that’s a story for another time). Why not give Manny’s teammate JD Drew his spot in the sun? Drew has been an offensive catalyst for the Sox this year, batting .303 with 16 homers and a .577 slugging percentage. Let Manny attend to his ailing grandmother and let Drew patrol the outer pastures at Yankee Stadium on July 15th.

Finally, I can excuse Ken Griffey Jr. from a sentimentalist’s perspective, but Kosuke Fukudome? This strikes me as a clear indication of ballot-box-stuffing on the part of our good friends in the Wrigley Field bleachers and from across the pond. Fukudome, (he of the 6 HR and 34 RBI) gives it his all and plays a decent right field; admirable qualities that endear him to the large swath of baseball aficionados. But fans, let us not confuse our all-hustle team with our all-star team. Would not this position have been better suited for Carlos Lee (.278, 18, 62)?

Which brings me to the crux of the problem: all too often, All-Star game starters are elected as popularity contest winners rather than as superior baseball players. Lets give the vote back to the managers and let them restore some credibility to the midsummer classic! Bob Feller once said that starting the All-Star game was as big a thrill as taking the mound in game one of the World Series. In reference to Rapid Robert and Pete Rose (perhaps still best-known for steamrolling Ray Fosse at home plate in the 1970 game), lets restore some substance to the glitz, eh? And no, Bud, this is not accomplished by giving home-field advantage in the World Series to the winning league (though I do love seeing that competitive fire in the Royals’ rep each year).

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Disappointing Finals

kobeshootsoverpierceLast week’s NBA Finals should go down as one of the biggest disappointments in league history. Lakers-Celtics was supposed to rekindle the drama and mystique of the Finals; a match-up steeped in tradition, the best team from each conference squaring off in a best-of-seven, no-holes-bared, knockout, high-caliber glitz-fest. The glitz was plentiful, but the high-caliber basketball never really materialized.

Instead, fans were treated to maddeningly inconsistent play. Both teams shuffled between periods of tentative and then dominant basketball. Pau Gasol looked like Tim Duncan one night and then Luc Longley the next. I’m not sure Lamar Odom really ever checked into the series to begin with. Kevin Garnet was at once an offensive force and the next a liability.

This frustrating hodgepodge of championship caliber basketball mixed in with junior varsity incompetence was all going to end, according to ESPN’s Michael Wilbon, with a drag-out, put-it-on-record, overtime beauty in Boston for game 6. Both teams would finally put it together for a full 48 minutes and NBA fans would be treated to what they had deserved since game 1. Unfortunately, someone forgot to pass the memo on to the Lakers, who win the award for largest egg laid in Finals history. The Kobe-Bryant-“lead” Lakers never showed up. Period. In the biggest game of many players’ careers, it was a baffling and almost depressing display. Bryant, who from now on shall never, ever again be mentioned in the same breath as Michael Jordan (can you imagine Jordan choking so royally during his team’s season-deciding game?) brought all the fire and machismo of a garden snail to the proceedings. The Lakers showed no interest in taking the game and, consequently, wilted in the face of the Celtics’ game 6 passion and desire.

In summation, the 2008 Finals fell far, far short of our lofty expectations. As an NBA fan I felt let down and terribly disappointed. But as a life-long Celtics fan, one who has suffered through the careers of Dino Rajda, Pervis Ellison, and Antoine Walker, well, excuse me while I light up this cigar.

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